i am a drag
willpower bodymove
trying to explain
while not explaining
the whole thing is draining
these muscles stilled
the momentum killed
and hours filled
stood there pouring
stood there poring
seeking not to be a dark cloud
aiming to not say out loud
what is held under the shroud
i just want to sit still
i have time to kill
i don’t seem ill
so who understands
without overexplanation?
feel the frustration
you arrive in a purple truck
with a dream catcher
i hope never catches dreams.
you’re not racist but …
you have black friends.
but the kind of message your diatribe sends
suggests some resentment,
and the message sent
is one of hate.
but your are not hateful.
you just mean in general.
you want the best for them.
but they have to want the best for themselves.
why not just cooperate with the cops?
why argue?
don’t they know they were stopped
for being in a bad area?
you are trying to sound rational
but you sound a little hysterical.
your voice tatters at the edges.
you don’t like to talk politics
because you feel uneducated
and race is a difficult issue
but you’ll tackle that
this strange film
flat lines drawn out
the camera edges in
the silence in the frame
translated to music outside the screen
diegetic, non-diegetic
a film about film
not a film about people
this is a talking edward hopper painting
a still life
still life
a held breath
a film delivered between heartbeats
something new arrived at in the stilted speech
i spoke to you
with an intention to help
but there’s acid in you
and it’s burning through
paint fumes
and a trashed canvas
i won’t call you in two years
you are as cool
as the name hung above your door
open and in tune
i talk about the music
and you elevate me
from the slow disintegration instigated by
the first call’s lie
logic failure banana skin
easy racism jump right in
i didn’t even invite the words
perhaps it was something you misheard
though i doubt it
you would have said it without it
some sweeping generalisation
some asshole indignation
and my communication
a wasted protestation
i was talking about the problems leading to this
then from your abused ritalin spiked genius
you tell me how educations sucks
you lay out the problem with an entire race
your mouth is a garbage disposal plugged into your face
i feel sad for you, and do not match your hate
a broken thing representing a broken state
your truck was towed
because we fucked up
but we won’t admit that your truck was towed
because we fucked up
we don’t issue parking passes without a date
the apartment number is wrong
there are two sets of handwriting
that did not come from this office
so, i forged the parking pass?
so, i stole the parking pass?
so, i am lying about how i got it?
you are suggesting i did something dishonest?
i’m not saying you forged it but people do that
i’m not accusing you of stealing it’s just strange
i’m not accusing you of lying we’d just never issue that
i wouldn’t say you did something dishonest but people do
all opinions based on a photograph
shall evaporate when you see the real thing
but admission of error costs too much
kind of like a towing fee
we do not smile
thank you for your order
we didn’t expect to work here
when we were older
but the world is a colder
place than your frou-frou drink
don’t ask me what i think
i’ll tell you
even amidst the coffee i can smell you
life amounts only to a hill of beans
this is what it all means
the soundtrack to my death
is on a loop and all preset
we do not care
thank you for your order
not really there
thank you for your order
i am tired
you’re going to get me fired
to end something
and to begin something
trying to let my mother know
that she did nothing wrong
that my father loved her
and that her kids love her
there is nothing to blame her for
i learned my father better
by being a father
i learn my mother by talking to her
by listening to her read poetry
by learning about her interests
but sometimes i am still a child
forgetting adulthood in emotion
to begin something
to end something
day events 