days last
as last days
approach
you are trying to adjust your descent
and prevent the tower’s collapse
to bruised knees
it was a decision this time
not a flight away
not being driven away
a step toward something
a step towards first days
relation of orbit
sometimes you stand there
and everything moves around you
like you are fixed point
you pause
and you wonder if in fact you are a moon
being dragged through the sky
misunderstanding that, the whole time,
you are being pulled around
you start to exert force
and people see some brightness
in the thought of you
and some people say
you are changing the direction of tides
and you will drown
and lose yourself
you have to swim past them
realign who these satellites belong to
how you are tied
and how force should be applied
you are the universe
and thrown into reverse
the universe is you
to yourself you must be true
pitch the sad mask
you take the sad mask
and excavate the face
finding the lie
in back of the accepted truth
that we must be in a truce
with slow degradation
and unending slide
downhill to the end
there is no requirement
for a sacrifice
and no buses to throw yourself under
but sometimes
you need a reminder
to be kind or kinder
to yourself
or reduced to a shell
you will hobble onwards
time slips away
and time slips away
and what do you say
except i have none?
some setting sun
some next day rising
hardly surprising
hardly unseen
it becomes routine
the roots deep in
yet the tree acts like it’s shallow soil
like more demands spoil
and force you to toil
in a difficult way
in activity or quite time slips away
alive in the remembrance of you
another for tony
it was hard to not see you in the room
but you were seen in the eyes of all
and heard in the voices
lifting to the ceiling
and carrying the hearts
music and love
says there’s no need for ghosts
because the beating hearts
are an echo of you
and the words call you up
and it was hard not see you in the room
and i think for a moment i did
weaving through us all
stitching us together
with a smile and a memory and a promise
it was a while since i’d seen you
but there’d been time in between before
and it never made any difference
we just picked it up right off the floor
with a hug and a shrug and smile
i’m sure we’ll see each other in a while
not much sleep
going to sleep a bit earlier than usual
and not getting down
the baby spins around
but co-sleeping is a choice we have made
and we are happy with it
it just means coffee in the morning
it means a tough afternoon
but to see the baby happy again
moving around and laughing
after sitting still and complaining
and inconsolable
and not himself
it means everything
and he snuggles me
tugs at my beard
tugs at my chest hair
lay on my arm
sleep sucks on his bottle
child in the ER
a temperature of 104
is enough to admit a baby to the ER
we thought it was his teeth
he had been teething
and the temperature can spike
but it wasn’t teeth
it was something viral
the young tattoed guy asks me
to come with for the xray
less parts to be put in danger
even with the apron in place
they strap a bag over his penis
to catch the pee
and two syringes are brought
purple for motrin
red for tylenol
his stomach rejects it and up comes milk too
then they crush pills into apple sauce
he spoons it up happily
his temperature comes down in the next hour
and we are released
a thermometer up the butt twice
do not make for a happy baby
but the spoon from the apple sauce does
he is holding it two hours later as he sleeps
curled against my chest
spread shit
other’s have decided where you are
swinging, hung by your own petard
all the mistakes starred
in the spreadsheet they regard
your entry is barred
to those who are moving free
because they truly see
what you are and not what you pretend to be
ignore the aroma of hypocrisy
we are in the realm where others judge
and because of the mirror you are hold a grudge
the viewpoint is unlikely to budge
you time have the time to budget to budge it
baby teeth ate the night
after teething night
with woken and crying
baby
needing to be soothed back into sleep
with something cool
and we all lay in
until momma wakes
then bubba wakes
then with a few beard tugs
and a baby face on my face
i wake
then i work on the bookcase
forget the alphabet
because we are moving soon
the future and its changing shape
in the everyday
day events 